I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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