This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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