Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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