i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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