I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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