is your mom at the bar?
I think I died a long time ago.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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