my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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