My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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