onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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