I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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