my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
