i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
