I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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