I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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