woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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