I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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