you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
