I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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