Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
