She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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