My friends, they love my intelligence
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
