Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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