I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
