if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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