I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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