Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
