i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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