he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
