my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
