Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
