were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
