There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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