I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All the doctor said was why
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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