Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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