I am spending my child support on dildos
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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