sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
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If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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