i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
