Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
