I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
