I'm lost and stupid without you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
