i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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