So drunk its hurt
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
