i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
