I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
