Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
