Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
