do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
