We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
