id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
