i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
