Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
