she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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