dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
