"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
