Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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