i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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