Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
