Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
