You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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