that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize