I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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