This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
