i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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