dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
