You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
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gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize