I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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